The Case File

Louis & Justin Deny All Allegations

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

LOUIS & JUSTIN DENY ALL ALLEGATIONS
Joint statement issued through unofficial counsel.

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We, the undersigned (Louis and Justin), categorically, unequivocally,
and with mild exasperation, deny any and all allegations that we are
in possession of, have ever been in possession of, or even remember
the existence of, the office keys belonging to one Andrew Carvo of
Carvo Financial Group.

The facts, as we understand them:

  1. We vacated the premises approximately 2-3 years ago.
  2. We returned the keys. We are pretty sure. Like 94% sure.
  3. We have since moved on with our lives, careers, and key rings.
  4. Andrew is, with respect, a known pocket-non-checker.

Any continued inquiries should be redirected to Andrew's jacket from
last Thursday, the cupholder of his car, or the small ceramic dish by
his front door that he forgot existed.

We wish Andrew the best in his ongoing search and remain available
for comment, brunch, and absolutely nothing key-related.

— Louis & Justin
  (Definitely Not Holding Anything)